The Irony
by ToiletFacility
Summary: Jane Bedfordshire was having a bad day... rated T just to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

**Just a random sort of thing that went through my head. In my opinion, it needs a bit of editing, but I have decided to post it up here anyway and see what people think.**

**It **_**could **_**be a multi-chapter fic, it **_**could **_**be a oneshot. I haven't decided yet.**

**Disclaimer: I am legally required **_**not **_**to say that I don't own Alex Rider, as that would be disgusting plagiarism, stealing a line from several other people's stories!**

* * *

It was nearly nine o'clock (1) on Monday morning and Alex was in a very bad mood. He had slept in and was going to be late for school- not a problem for most, but as he had been trying rather enthusiastically to catch up (and become normal,) this was extremely annoying for him.

He grabbed a slice of toast, shoved it into his mouth, gave a muffled goodbye to Jack, and walked out the door.

* * *

Jane Bedfordshire hadn't had much of a week.

Her sister Ellen had just been diagnosed with cancer, her boyfriend's (and room mate's) car had broken down and they both didn't have the money to fix it. Now she was in debt and had to drive Matt everywhere.

Alex hated walking to school. After all that he had experienced, all the maniacs that he had stopped… everyone he walked past were a potential serial killer. He wasn't paranoid. He just had a…um… baseless and excessive suspicion of the motives of others.

_Yeah, that was it_, he thought, giving an innocent looking woman with a stroller a death glare.

Alex thought he spotted one of his former friends Dan walking ahead of him with his girlfriend Charlotte. He wanted to say hello, but didn't. He had no idea what to say.

Alex was deep in thought as he crossed the road. He was getting there, but he also had yet to gain everyone's trust.

* * *

Jane was stressed. She rushed towards the hospital that poor Ellen was in with Matt sitting next to her, comparing the car ride to one with a suicide pilot. Ellen had a mad obsession with lateness; with her sister's days being numbered, Jane would have done anything to make her happy. After a lightning-speed visit, she then had to race to work.

This was why Jane didn't stop at the red light.

This was why Jane didn't notice the blonde teenager who had stepped in front of her car.

* * *

Alex didn't know what had hit him.

Actually, that was a stupid thing to say.

He had been hit with a one-ton rather shoddy second-hand 1989 SAAB, which he was fully aware of. In his baseless-and-excessive-suspicion-of-the-motives-of-others state, Alex naturally took in everything, including the make and registration number of several cars that passed him.

Then everything went black.

* * *

She screamed. She couldn't help it.

What else is there to do when you have just possibly killed someone?

Except sit there in shock, which she proceeded to do afterwards.

* * *

Matt rushed out of the car to see what had happened. Dreading what she might see, Jane followed him.

Matt had no idea what to do for a second. All the first-aid training he had undergone with the SAS suddenly left him.

He knew how to treat a gunshot wound in the middle of a battlefield, yet what do you do when you do something as ordinary as hit a boy with your car? It seemed stupid, somehow, that this should happen!

Matt edgily made his way out of the car. He had just decided to check the boy's vitals and hope for the best.

The kid was sprawled on the road, white as a sheet. He lay face down.

Apart from that, Matt had absolutely no idea what to say on his condition… A small patch of blood appeared on his side, steadily growing. It looked like he had broken several ribs, with one poking through his side.

Matt checked his pulse, and was relieved to find that it was erratic, but still there.

Matt turned him over, and gasped.

* * *

Jane was panicking. She had rushed over to his side and found he was still breathing. Apart from that, she didn't have a clue what to do.

She helped Matt turn him over.

_Oh God._

_Oh my god._

_I may have just killed Alex Rider._

* * *

_Cub. _

_This was Cub._

_I've probably killed Cub._

That thought went through Matt's head. He could have killed a kid.

Matt had fired shots before, that had killed foreign troopers. He was aware of that.

But this… this was so much different. It was more personal.

He knew Cub.

Cub was only a kid.

His thoughts were interrupted by Jane screaming:

"ALEX!"

Matt got out his mobile and quickly dialled 911.

* * *

The first thing Alex felt was annoyed.

He had just been hit by a car. That was an inconvenience,

For some reason he was noticing the little things, like the gum on the road next to him, and the dust on the underside of the car. It helped him in a way. What else was there to think about?

He could panic, lose his head, and die, _or _just stay here and think of the good things.

Eventually he came to a decision. It involved opening his eyes.

But he wasn't expecting to see Wolf, _the _Wolf, staring anxiously back at him.

**I **_**think **_**this is a oneshot. I'm not really sure. Review and I might continue.**

**Please don't review. (I've been told that reverse psychology is effective. So, if you understand, then you would make the deluded author VERY happy if you clicked that little button in the middle of the screen and told her what you think…)**



**(Hopefully I've managed to make this arrow point in the right direction.)**

**I have no idea how school times work in London so I just assumed they are the same as they are where I live.**

**I did it!!!!! Nearly 1,000 words! I am capable of it, after all!!!**


	2. Chapter 2

**I wrote a second chapter on request from most of my reviewers. **

**Thank you so much, all of you- you've definitely made my day!**

* * *

'Cub.' I gulped.

He stared back at me, looking horrified and confused. Jane was panicking, and hadn't noticed anything.

'Alex,ohmygodAlexI'msososorryareyoualright?Wheredoesithurtwhat'swrongareyouokayI'msorryI'msorryI'msosososorry-'

'Wolf!' yelled Cub, (or was it Alex?) trying to scramble away from me.

I had no idea what to say or do.

* * *

Wolf. Of all the bloody people who had to run me down, it was Wolf!

Oh, yeah, and Mrs. Bedfordshire. It sounds like some sort of action-soap opera, doesn't it?

All I need now is for Jack to have an illegitimate baby with Wolf's niece's stepdaughter's brother.

Then, Ash will turn out to be really alive and living away in Wales under a new name with a family.

Then I will find out that Helen and John Rider aren't really my parents because I was adopted. I would spend a long time trying to find my birth parents, and have a tearful reunion with them in the season finale.

There wouldn't be anymore seasons after that, though. It would have been cancelled, and replaced with reruns of the Simpsons.

I was busy planning my own soap opera because I didn't really know what else to do. I wasn't planning on rolling around in agony, partly because I wasn't really hurting. I knew I would later, but now, I just felt numb, and sort of cold. It took a lot of effort to breath, though.

"Wolf. Mrs. Bedfordshire." I finally said.

* * *

I wasn't expecting anything out of the ordinary to happen today. All I did was walk to school with Charlotte…. Then I heard the crash, turned around, and saw Alex Rider lying unconscious on the ground.

I hoped he hadn't stepped in front of the car on purpose.

Alex Rider was one mystery.

* * *

"Alex! Don't move, come on, save your strength, you're going to be alright, an ambulance is coming!…"

I said all of this in one breath. One might say I wasn't handling the situation very well… at least I hadn't done anything stupid yet. Except maybe hit him with my car.

I wanted to help Matt, but it was clear he and I were both clueless.

Alex gave me a look that can only be described as disdain.

"I'm not going to die, Mrs. Bedfordshire," he said, giving me a grim smile, as he tried to sit up, with some difficulty. "It is going to take a lot more than _you _to kill me."

It looked like he found it funny.

I failed to see the humour in the situation.

* * *

I was trying to reassure everyone. I talked to Mrs. Bedfordshire (not to Wolf, who was just staring at me, looking amazed.) and tried to sit up. I hate it when people worry about me- it happens enough already.

I finally gave up trying to stand, as a sharp bolt of pain stabbed my side.

I gave a strangled cross between a yell and a cough, and was mortified to feel a bit of blood on the side of my mouth. I tried to keep my breathing measured. It was hard, as I was just starting to hurt more and more.

I finally gave up trying to fight unconsciousness and, curled up on the ground.

Out of all the unbelievable, homicidal things that have happened to me, I end up getting hit by a car!

It seems so ordinary and stupid…

I smiled at the grim _irony_ of the situation, and then closed my eyes.

**Don't ask where that came from… I always thought how weird it would be if something like that happened to Alex…**

**I have no intention of offending anyone who has been in a real car accident. I have no idea what it's like, and only imagined Alex's reaction.**

**Yet again, please DON'T review. Don't you DARE press that attractive green button…. I'm warning you….**

**(cough, cough, REVERSE PSYCOLOGY! cough)**


	3. Chapter 3

**The LAST chapter! After constant requests, and several people making me feel guilty by putting this 'finished' story on alert, I decided to add on last pointless chapter, ie. The Casual Observations of a Bored Alex Rider.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_(THEME MUSIC)_

_._

_._

_._

_(Opening Credits)_

_Camera pans in slowly to hospital bed where a young man lies motionless with an oxygen mask. The rhythmic beeping of the hospital machinery seems to put the young couple waiting beside the bed into an odd trance. The man and woman are physically irresistible but emotionally crippled due to numerous incredibly dramatic experiences._

_Beep_

_Beep _

_Beep_

_BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP…………._

_The woman looks distraught and gives a yell of horror as more irresistible nurses rush in, surrounding the boy. _

"_ALEX!" she yells, bursting into tears. "ALEX!!!" _

_Ad Break_

I should write soap operas for a living. I really should. It could be an incredibly dramatised version of my life! Who would play me, though? (Sab reckons I look a bit like this actor… I've forgotten his name. He's probably too old, anyway.)

Lying here, after another crazy, dramatic, (accidental) near-death experience, you really start to appreciate the little things, because you never know when that bullet will actually hit you.

Like the colour of the sky, which is blue, in case you didn't notice.

Or the sound of those stupid birds that wake you at six every morning.

Or the fact that even though I have been through a lot, I still have my health.

(Actually, my health is stuffed. At least I still have my possessions.)

Or the sickeningly boring colour that the ceiling has been painted.

Whoever designed this hospital must seriously have been into motivating the patients into thinking that they had died, so would not request food, because no one needs food in heaven. Or even a very white hell.

It's white. Everything is white. I have never hated white so much before.

Why not red?

In case you haven't noticed already, I am bored. So very bored. I seem to have broken several ribs, and can't move too well, and am reduced to lying in a hospital bed, planning soap operas that will most definitely win numerous awards, because everyone says how stupid they are, but watches them anyway.

My only aid to escaping my desperate boredom is the television, which unfortunately, at this time of the day, only shows soapies that are nowhere near as good as mine will be.

I am still BORED.

* * *

I've had a surprising number of visitors already. I think Mr. Bray must have bribed several people to go see me, because most of them didn't really look too happy. Others looked at me like it was my fault. (Look, Rider went and got himself hit by a _car_. How _gay_ is that! (1)

Tom found it hilarious.

"So you're telling me, that you actually DID get hit by a car? And was it really Mrs. Bedfordshire, or some assassin dude who you pissed off? Or was it just a cover and you really got blown up or something, but you can't tell me?"

"I can assure you, Tom, that I stepped in front of a CAR, not a bomb or a bullet!"

"But SERIOUSLY? Are you sure? Have they brainwashed you? Go on, tell me something that only Alex would know, in case it's actually one of that African dude's evil clones!"

"You are scared of clowns and your middle name is Wendell."

That shut him up.

* * *

Before him it was Jones. Feeling unusually cheerful, I greeted her rather enthusiastically.

"Why, Mrs Jones! Isn't this a pleasure? What brings you here this fine Monday morning?"

I think it was the painkillers that did it.

* * *

**This is a pet hate of mine. Something is not GAY unless it is homosexual. I hate it when people describe things as gay. I used it because it sounds like something a fourteen year old would say. (No offense to all you decent, non-homophobic fourteen year olds out there.)**

**I just felt like writing about Alex. In the books you never really get to see what he's thinking, and I decided to give it a go.**

**We've finally made it to 1,000 stories!!! Only 358, 000 more to go and we will have caught up to Harry Potter!!**

**Thankyou to all my WONDERFUL reviewers!**

**(And to those who haven't, it's never too late to press that attractive green button.) **


	4. AUTHOR'S NOTE! Please forgive me!

ANOTHER AUTHOR'S NOTE!!!

I am so SO sorry for putting in a author's note, I absolutely loathe them, but my story (which is finished, by the way) has been updated, but it didn't appear at the top of the page. (Does anyone else get that problem? It has happened to me before!)

I thought that if I added another chapter then it would appear up the top of the page and people would know I had updated. Sorry!


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